Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas 2011

We decided to celebrate early this year because mark ended up having to work on Christmas morning. We had a great Christmas eve, Mark's mom came over and I made white chicken chili, It was amazzzzing if I do say so myself. Then we read a Christmas book, and talked about the meaning of Christmas. Then did the white stocking, which is where we give a gift to Christ, something that we can do all year round for him, something we can do better, almost like a new years resolution but better. We opened PJ's and changed into them. Then we opened our "hat" presents. This year we just did the "adults" in the family. Instead of buying presents for everyone, we pick a name out of a hat and just have to buy one gift. So my dad got me a present, and he gave me his old nook and a gift card to barnes and noble. You know you are getting old when you get excited over a book!!! I was so happy! Mark got minute to win it and a tie from Brittani. And he as been having some frustrating fun with it.
Christmas morning (the 24th for everyone else) we woke up around 8 and started opening stockings, Gracie was tired and fell asleep around 9:30. Eldon had to open everyones presents! he opened them, and then passed them along to the person they belonged to, It was super cute. Eldon started complaining that his ear hurt, he stopped openning presents and sat on Marks lap. Mark rocked him and I gave him tylenol and put a hot rag on his ear. After about 30 minutes he jumped up and shouted "open presents more!" so we did! Gracie was up by then and we finished up. My favorite presents we a brand new sewing machine and my nook! I think Eldon's favorite present was his Rex toy from toy story. His nanna and poppa gave it to him. We had Turkey dinner with the missionaries that night. It was so good, Mark did a great job!

Actual Christmas morning, Mark left at 5ish for work and I work up around 7 and got me and the kids off to church by 8:30am. I was in the Christmas program, so Eldon and Gracie sat with friends. I had a blast singing... it had been so long since I sang. Later me and the kids went over to the Jones. We had dinner with Mr. George, Mrs. Kim and their family. It was soooo good. And Eldon liked being around people. We came home and watched one of our Christmas movies together.

Christmas was great!








more pictures to come,,,

Saturday, December 17, 2011

{PRETTY, HAPPY, FUNNY, REAL}

I have been told that my post sound kinda depressing lately, So I wanted to let everyone know that things are okay here! We have up and down days, and maybe I write about more of the down days, what can I say it is therapeutic, so I will try harder to be more well rounded :). I wanted to start posting more picture, not on a specific day, but just more regularly. I am borrowing this from many other blogs I read... I call it:

{Pretty, Happy, Funny, Real}

So here we go!

{REAL}
Eldon is my little poser! He shoots me these great model faces.

{FUNNY}
I am required to take multiple picture of Woody, requested by none other than Eldon.

{REAL}
We do make messes... a lot, this is very true and real life. My husband makes me laugh! Mark forgot that he had already opened the Alfredo sauce.. he went to shake it up and it went everywhere!

{Happy}
Looking at this face makes me smile!

{REAL&FUNNY}
My son does on occasion pick his nose, especially if daddy tells him to do it for the camera.

{REAL}
Again, I was TOLD I HAD to take Woody's picture

{REAL & FUNNY}
I make  really big stockings, and Eldon is silly!

{PRETTY}
Gracie loves to bounce!!! She really is such a delight to have in our home.

{PRETTY}
"Thank heaven for little girls!" is what her bib says, We love her so much. Mark always says Gracie doesn't know how not to smile!


{HAPPY}
I am a lucky mom, It may never get any easier but it is very worth ever minute!

{PRETTY,HAPPY,REAL}
I can here what they are thinking... "Mom whats the big deal with this Santa guy", says Gracie. Eldon joins in the conversation, "Okay mom I sat on his lap and didn't cry, can I get that candy cane now!?"



Tuesday, November 29, 2011

life lately...

Tired, stressed, overworked, and underpaid tend to describe my life lately. Now noted we have our fun times here and there but I have been go, go ,go , go it seems ever since Gracie so I haven't blogged in a while because I have had a hard time finding anything to say.
So to explain why I am so tired... my sweet little baby Gracie LOVES me!!! Which is not a bad thing... until a month ago when she stopped sleeping through the night and started nursing 3 times a night! But the funny thing is she screams her head off if we try to soothe her in any other way other that me nursing her, and trust me we have tried everything. Mark going in first, making sure she doesn't need changing, patting her on the back while still being in the crib, picking her up to rock her, bottle (which she still have never taken), pacifier (again she has never taken this either, but I am still trying)... Nothing works other than me getting up to nurse. She is so cute though, all she wants is to smile and coo while nursing until she decides she want to go back to bed. Which some nights it is 10 minutes, some nights 30minutes but the usual has been about an hour or more, and this would be okay if it were just once a night but it is 2 and 3 times a night. So the schedule for Gracie's sleep is  8:30pm bed time, wake up 1st time midnight, back to bed by 1am. awake for the 2nd time at 3am, back in bed at 3:45am, and finally awake for the day anywhere between 5:30am and 6:00am. she will cat nap for 5 or 10 minutes but won't stay asleep until she is back down for a nap at 11am and sleeps till 11:45am usually. Then if I am lucky she will fall asleep during Eldon's nap time around 1pm and usually sleep for an hour and a half, but then she is awake until we do bath time and back to sleep at 8:30pm.
This sleep schedule would concern me if it weren't for 1 thing. She is always so darn happy!!! 1am she is happy and smiling and cooing away, same with 3am, and by 6am she is literally talking baby talk so loud that is usually wakes Eldon up far to early. She is always smiling... as long as I am giving her attention. If I set her in her bouncer next to me and try to catch some sleep while she is awake, she will have none of it and continues to scream until my undivided exhausted self is giving her my attention.
I am so Tired! By the time the house is shut down for the night and I get my alone time, and spend time with Mark, I am usually in bed around 11pm( I am trying to get to bed earlier, but It is soooo hard) so I am averaging 4 1/2 hours of sleep if not less. I am trying soo hard to push through ( this can't last forever right?!) but we are going on month 2 and I am breaking. I find myself not going out during the day because I am sooo tired, I don't want to be a danger in a car to others or my sweet babies. I put on a movie instead of getting down and playing with Eldon, dishes are going unwashed, laundry is stacking up.  Am I not supermom? Can't I do it all? Lately I am beginning to doubt myself. I made a goal to start going out more now that Gracie is older, but this past month and a half have been spent with me struggling to wake up for the day. I also made a goal to start loosing my baby weight, and my postpartum after my c-section weight, which with the lack of sleep and stress is making it impossible at best.
Eldon is getting better at tolerating Gracie, he actually is fine as long as Dad (marky) isnt holding her. At the house if she cries he says, "It's okay Gwacie, Gwacie no cry now, momma's coming" and in the morning when he wakes up after I change him and get him ready he will run to the living room where Gracie usually is and shout "Gwacie's awake now!" Very excited, and he helps me take her to her crib when she falls asleep. So that is all great, but I fear that his lack of stimulating is affecting him. He is very spirited and independant and bless his heart he is just having a tough time listening when mommy and daddy tell him no. He takes no as a personal invitation to continue his bad behavior. We are working on this and we have our better days usually they are the ones when I give him alot of attention, or we have a bunch of activities planned. That Is why I think my lack of sleep is hurting him and me.
I try to enjoy my late night moments with Gracie. I try to take in how much she loves me. I know how much i love and adore her so I hope she loves me even half as much. I am greatful that she is so healthy and strong. I try to keep positive when I am at my tired points, because being sad or depressed about it just hurts myself and others.
For now we are still trying to get Gracie to take a bottle (with not a lot of luck) although she has taken a cup once, so I think that is our next step. She seems just as attached to me as I am to her. I use to hold her when she was first born and think about what my life would have been like if I lost her, and how blessed I was to be given the chance to know her. So maybe this is my own doing, me holding her to much, but if this is the worst thing I do to my kids then I will be okay.
This too will pass... I will enjoy it while I can and hopefully a few months from now I will be laughing and remembering about the days when I got no sleep.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Gracie's twin

My little girl has a twin!! I spend the majority of my day staring at Gracie and Eldon. After much thought me and Mark both agreed... Gracie looks like the cute, adorable, angelic, youngest of his six adopted siblings...... DOPEY! 

Check out her ears.. haha, her ear really dont stick out that far, they just curve with her head and it makes them look like they stick out. I think she is adorably unique.
Now look at her angelic glazed over blue eyes!

Same as Dopey. But the Cherry on the cake....

Check out that smile. Full, tounge showing, cheek pinchable grin!!


I never Really likds the movie snow white, but I do remember only liking Dopey, the others were to scary, and hairy. I found this little bit of info on Dopey:

Dopey is often the butt of the other dwarfs' jokes, and his silly, playful actions often annoy the pompous Doc and the short-tempered Grumpy. He is not dumb, but merely acts like a toddler. Happy explains he simply has never tried to talk. Though he occasionally whimpers, laughs or hiccups, he does not talk. Dopey is the most popular of the seven dwarfs among audiences.

Despite being conceived late in production, Dopey proved to be the most endearing of the dwarfs. Dopey's appeal proved the success of silent characters in feature films. At one point, Dopey was even considered for the title role in The Sorceror's Apprentice in Fantasia before Mickey Mouse was chosen. However, many of Dopey's traits remain, including the long, floppy sleeves and playful attitude.

The name Dopey may to some carry bad meaning, but for me everytime I see that dwarf, I am reminded of his innocence. What a great comparison to our sweet girl. Innocent, pure, and most of all happy.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Gracie is 4 months old

I am about a week late in posting, but our little Gracie turned 4 months old last week. Has it really been that long since she was born. Our sweet little angel has been blessing our lives since the day she enter. No lying it was incredibly tough being mom to both Gracie and Eldon, while recovering from my much disappointing and painful birth experience, and do all the same things I did before.
For the past 4 months I have been struggling, trying to be my best self, trying to do it all I guess. Lately things have been really great. My way of solving this issue was just to stop. Stop cleaning, stop cooking, stop worrying every 2 seconds, just be a mom and wife. Mark has been great. After about a week I slowly added things back in. Cooking, going out with the kids, cleaning.  Now I am no supermom, and I am still having issues physically from my Cesarean, but the more time passes the more I think that everything will work itself out.
now onto the fun stuff... GRACIE


She is our spunky little girl who just curls with smiles every time she is given a complement. Literally her entire body curls down, I can always tell when she is laughing even from behind. She love being complemented too, Mark tells her how pretty she is and she just smiles sooo big.
She is a serious mommas girl. I can't put her down, and she can't stand it either. Which is seriously amazing, haha but sometimes my girl needs to let me go. She will nap for 1 -2 hours in my arms or 20 minutes out. Now granted she is sleeping threw the night about 80% of the time from usually around 10pm til anywhere between 5:30am if she hears Mark in the morning or 7:30am if she needs a good nap.
She hates tummy time, which is again most likely my fault, but I finally got her to around 5 minutes, YEAH!!
The little lady has found her voice... and it is loud. So along with her not sleeping during the day, neither does Eldon because her little coos and ahhs are more like COOOOOOO and AHHHHHHH!! She seriously is a loud one. I find it so funny she gets louder the more tired she gets, then I will look down because it instantly stops and she is sleeping. Haha my kids have 2 switches either on or off.
She loves her daddy. On the mornings she wakes up when he does, she greats him with such a great smile, and when he gets home even if she is about to fall asleep she wakes up and can't stop flirting with him.
She is still our tiny little baby, who would of guessed she would be so tiny at 42 week gestation, but I guess she really did need the time to "cook" a bit more, and I am glad I stuck to my guns and wasn't pressured into inducing 2-3 weeks prior. Who knows if she would of been developed all the way physically yet. I havent been in to the doctor yet for her 4 month check up, but at 3 1/2 months she was weighing in around 11 1/2 pounds. She is tall though so thats good!
She is growing so much. But with each day she gets funner to be around. We are at that age now where we are just waiting and watching for her to do the next big thing. Roll over, giggle, crawl. We can't wait!

Love you Gracie Girl!!


And of course we can't forget about Eldon! The best baby boy it the world!ELDON!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Why I want mark to get on with a house that has a pole

I have been sick all day, and now cant fall asleep because of congestion, but it is all worth it! haha I had to share this with everyone and anyone. This made my day. Haha I always wondered what Mark would do at a station when not on a call. I guess this gives him something to think about.


I love you Mark, you are our hero!
-Steph, Eldon & Mark

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Happy Gradparents day

On the tenth anniversary of the Twin Towers and 9/11 attacks, the ones that forever changed my life views, opinions, and actions as well as millions of other Americans, it is a little ray of sunshine to be able to also spend this day celebrating Grandparents. And WOW do Gracie and Eldon have the best. Even from across the sea Nanna and Poppa are still in the running for number 1. I gave up months ago  competing with them, because they are so cool, they win every time. Only Daddy has a shot at winning number 1 now. That's okay I am fine with just being mommy! Because seriously I have the best kids ever and to know that they are all mine makes up for not being number 1 haha! Plus Eldon and Gracie are so rocking they need an awesome Nanna and Poppa, which they have! So mom and dad this post is for you! What a blessing you are in our lives, seriously you are killing us being so far away, but that too will pass. You both make our kids so happy, Eldon's whole world lights up every time the phone rings because he thinks it is nanna or poppa. You both bring so much joy in our lives we love you beyond measure. Oh and mom can't wait for the continents to come back together so you can walk to our house soon! (haha) Love you both, from Steph, but mostly Eldon and Gracie!!!




Where do you see yourself in 10 years

10 years ago:
  • I was 14 years old
  • I had just begun my Freshman year of High school
  • I was shy, and a bit of an ugly duckling (or at least that's how I felt when I was that age)
  • we had been living in GA for almost 3 years
  • The twin towers we attacked
  • and... I wrote this:
"I just arrived at school and was a bit early so I went to the library to finish up some last minute homework. I noticed the library turning on the TV which was odd because she turned the volume on. That never happens. I try to tune out the noise. I decide to listen in, but the bell rang for advisement so without paying attention to the TV, I went on my way. We were suppose to be in advisement till 8:45, but I guess the bell schedule was lagging and we didn't. Out homeroom noticed others turning on the TV and watching, we decided to do the same.... Wow we couldn't believe it was this a joke? a plane just hit the twin towers in NYC.
The bell rang, just a few minutes later, but the TVs in the hallway were all playing the same thing. The news. And again during 2nd period all we watched was the TV. My English teacher let us skip the lesson for the day.  Another tower got hit, the Pentagon too. Seriously it is beginning to feel like my little bubble of a world is unravelling. Then the unimaginable: the tower falls! After what seemed to be only be an hour later. My prayers went out in hopes that everyone made it out okay. Little did I know, thing were not okay, far from it.
The rest of the day went on much of the same, we were shoveled from classroom to classroom as usual, but only to sit in a new seat and watch the TV. Parents came and pulled friends out of school. By lunch it seemed as if half the school was gone. I was a bit paniced as to why my mom wasn't coming to get me too. But was given a note in one of my last classes that she would pick me and my brother up at the end of the day.
A few days have passed and we still turned to the news everyday. It seemed a new clip of the 9/11 event, as they were calling it, popped up every day. I am scared to know what will happen to everyone still trapped. I hope for the best. I don't really understand why the planes crashed, and why this terrorist group felt they had to hurt people that didn't hurt them. I don't want to go on a plane anytime soon, they make me nervous. Like I said I don't understand a lot that happened on September 11th, I just know what I saw. I hope that I will never live to see something like this happen again."

My English teacher made us write our thoughts down. I can't recall how long after, but it couldn't have been more that a week or two. I tucked it away in my scriptures but I haven't read it in some time. Looking back I can't help but think about "then" and "now" what has changed, what hasn't(not much) all the things I have done. Graduated HS, Moving to VA, then to Utah, getting married, my son, moving back to GA for a new job for Mark ( a Fireman!!), and now Gracie.
Does anyone else think about how their kids will never know a world before September 11th, 2001. They also will never know how it felt that day to watch as our world fell apart on national television. Everything I do is plagued with the actions of 9/11. I really have no desire to go up into a high building. For example I visited ground zero when I was living in VA and saw the clean up still. my friends wanted to go up to the top of the Empire state building, and I chose to do something else. I will always think before I let my kids out of my hands. As they grow I know they will want to go away with friends, but it still makes me nervous to think.
Being the wife of an Atlanta firefighter (and VERY Proud might I add) The attacks of September 11th, 2001 take on a new light. I can only imagine what the families of the 343 firemen and women must have gone through, and I really hope I never have to.
My God Bless this country for the next ten years and keep us safe. I hope I can find a way to honor those who were murdered 10 years ago by living a better life!

here a few proud moments in my life as a Fireman's wife:

Being able to play dress up in REAL Firefighter gear.
Or as Eldon calls "woooo wooo"( the sound a fire engine makes)

Coming inside and instead of coats there are SCBA mask, fire helmet, and a hood

Mark's SCBA mask closer view. (notice the batman symbol)

May we always remember and never forget.  and my we live a life that was worthy of the sacrifices made on that day. This post is especially for the 343 men and women firefighter, my heart goes out to your families.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Gracie is 3 months

3 months old... where has the time gone! I took Gracie to a new pediatrician today, and they may be worse than the first one I took her too. Lets sum it up by describing the entire visit as- dirty, rude, slow. Really is it that hard to have great pediatric care in Georgia? It seems impossible. I guess I will keep looking but for now here are some stats on little

 Gracie @ 3 months:
Weight- 11lbs 3 oz
Height- 24 in
Head- 40 1/2 cm

  • she still refuses a bottle- "those things are nasty", says Gracie
  • She is smiling A LOT! she has the sweetest smile when I pick her up after she has been asleep and woken up
  • She is almost about to laugh
  • Loves to be held- guess I love it too- I have a hard time putting my babies down, they are just too cute to let go
  • She is very healthy- has had at least 2 cold, but she has gotten over them all on her own
  • Poor little girl seriously can pass some major gas:( she lets out toots all the
  • hates being on her tummy- as you can see from the picture below
  • loves to grasp both her hands together- she constantly looks like she is about to pray. SO CUTE!
  • Her hair is either getting thinner or lighter; I dunno may be both
  • Her and Eldon are getting a whole lot easier to manage. We go out at least 2 times a week
  • Also still won't take a binky- neither did Eldon- Eldon took it for a few months but I think it was when he was older
  • She is a great car rider- she either falls asleep or just looks around the entire ride. But if I am stopped for a while she gets upset- I have too avoid traffic. Little girl is only 3 months and already can't stand traffic
  • She is so sweet- She constantly smiles- and just wants to be looked at
  • She loves complements- Mark will look at her and tell her all sorts of things and she just coo's and ahh's back.
Pretty much she is our little princess and we love her so very much! We are better because we have her sweetness in our family. What a blessing it is to be their mom. As hard as my days seem so be, every night looking back it is so worth every second!


    Thursday, August 25, 2011

    Cuddle time!

    Is there anything better than holding a sleeping baby? I will argue my point if you disagree :) I wrote a post like this a while ago when Eldon was still little ( under the age of 1 i mean to say) Against the advise of almost everyone that gave me advise, I have been rocking both of my babies to sleep every night, until they were fast asleep and I got my "cuddle fill". I choose to cuddle as long as they will let me. I have never regretted this and I just politely plug my ears when others told me not to, that they needed to "learn" to go to sleep on their own. Guess what? They did learn!  Eldon I think is in a little independent phase where he doesn't need to be rocked by Momma. Which saddens me a little, but I hope in time he will come back to me. Like the small moments like tonight when he felt a bit sick and he was tired and a bit upset, and he crawled in my lap, head against my chest and we watched Dr. Seuss together.  Eldon now has been sleep in a big boy bed for almost 4 months now with really no issues, I had to put a child proof lock on his door and he hasn't had any issues since- sleeping from usually 8:30pm til 9:30am or 10:30am, and my sweet little girl sleeps from 9:00pm wakes up and nurses around 3:30am for only 20 min and is usually back asleep all in her own room in her own crib. Then wakes up at 7:30pm nurses for 30min and falls back asleep usually until his brother wakes up. 

    "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow,


    For babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow.


    So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep,


    I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!"
    I have heard this quote several times before. I really want to frame it up really nice and put it by my rocking chair, so to always remind me that even though my house is a GIANT mess, this is what truly matters. My babies, my eternal family, my husband. Life really is flying, take it from someone who is about to have a 3 month old!! I will cuddle Gracie as long as she will let me, true I may cause sleeping problems, but I don't care if my kids need to snuggle me before they go to sleep. Life is wasted it seems these days on far less important things, but this is important to me! Haha I just can't put them down!

    Wednesday, August 24, 2011

    Peepee!

    Eldon went pee pee like 15 times today in the potty!!!!! I don't have any experience with going though potty training, but next to Giving birth, and Eldon walking; this is like the most excited I have been in forever! He was so proud of himself too. He would run pee in the potty chair then empty the pee in the toilet, flush and say "bye!" and then when the toilet filled back up he would say, "blue!!!" (because we have one of those toilet tablets that makes the water blue) then we go to the cupboards and get a potty treat!! WOW I know I am using a lot of "!" but I seriously am so proud. Mark was saying to me how pride is a bad thing, but how both of us were feeling a rush of such a prideful moment.
    What a happy mom I am right now. I seriously never thought he would learn, but he did. For the past few days/months I take his diaper off and we constantly go to the bathroom, but he will never go. He usually whines, and cries for me to let him off the toilet, but tonight after 3 hours of no diaper, we again took a trip to the bathroom, and he cried to get off, I have been using a little bit of bribery lately so I said, "you can get down once you pee pee." he must of been really motivated to get off because he pushed really had, and he actually went. I over reacted and got sooooo excited. We both started dancing and I guess that one time did it. Hopefully when we wake up tomorrow he will remember!! I love thing. Today even though I only got 3 hours of sleep, this one of the greatest days ever of me and mommy hood!!!

    Saturday, August 20, 2011

    Crazy fun life

    This week really has been amazing. I set a goal for myself to take Eldon and Gracie out at least 3 times this week. And I did. We went swimming to the park this week. Eldon loved swimming. And by the second time we went he seriously was swimming on his own ( with a life jacket of course! ) I am so proud of him. Lately being a mom of 2 has been less of pulling my hair out and splashing my face with water to stay awake, and more about enjoying my babies. Gracie is sleeping during the nights, and in her own crib now, which is a lot of the reason for the good sleep and "nicer mommy" in the morning.  I use nice mommy and mean mommy with eldon when I'm tired.. I don't think he understands me though. When he would wake up in the morning I would tell him, "I missed you last night, me and Gracie were up allll night, because Gracie wanted to hang out and now nice mommy went bye bye 2 hours ago, so we are gunna play in the house so mean mommy will go away and nice mommy will come back." Luckily mean mommy really never showed herself this week. ( I really am not mean, I just use that when i'm tired)
    But anyways back to my great week. The kids are just beginning to have so much fun and I love taking them places. Eldon is slowly learning how to behave in public. Usually he bounces off the walls, but he only does that now if I don't pay him any attention. I am starting to really lean what both kids need, so that we can prevent meltdowns.
    Now if Eldon would just take to potty training I would be sooo happy. Little guy just refuses. I do not understand it, but I guess we just keep trying and eventually he will warm up to the idea.
    visist my other blog to see a mini session of gracie in her swimming suit HERE, but for now here are a few pics too





    Thursday, August 18, 2011

    Gracie's Song

    Gra-cie...
    You have such a pretty fac-ie
    No one else can take your plac-ie
    You look pretty dressed in lac-ie
    You don't come from outerspac-ie
    sweet Grac-ie

    So every little girl deserves a song written for then, and Gracie is no exception. Little Gracie has her own song that I made up for her. She is so cute, when I sing in her little eyes just light up like crazy! Sometimes when she is upset the only thing that calms her down is if I rock her and sing her little song. I love to make her smile... haha I'm that crazy mom that makes up songs and I love it.




    Lets not forget about big brother...
    Eldon:
    (Goes to the popcorn popping song)

    I looked out the window and what did I see Eldon Allen Sittin' in a tree

    he can climb an oak tree in 5 seconds flat

    If you don't watch him he goes like that

    It might not be so,

    but it seems to me...

    Eldon Allen sittin' in the tree



    I know, I know ... please don't judge me!!! haha but it is so worth it if I can get them to smile... but Eldon likes to put me in my place and while I sing his song he says, " no mom, no tree" I think he is thinking "mom your crazy I'm not in the tree, I'm right here".

    Tuesday, August 16, 2011

    my thoughts

    Okay so this may not be a post for all to read, but this is for me. I really need the therapy of writing.  Okay so an update of my life the past 2 1/2 months since Gracie was born: as most of you know I had an unplanned emergency C-section which for me was nothing short of devastating. I don't like to talk about it either. But I need to. I think as far as "baby blues" go, I completely don't have that at all, but I think I have what I like to call "belly or tummy blues". I hate to look, think, or even touch my belly. I hate the scar I have, I hate think that I am suck like this for the rest of my life. Who knows if this will cause ill effects in the future. That's a whole different story, one that I have a hard time grasping.
    My body as a woman is meant to give birth, and naturally. So why can't I. With Eldon I was induced, and it was so intense that I couldn't make it without the epidural, but that okay the epidural isn't a bad thing. I just want to start labor naturally. Then Gracie I was so intense on my "natural" plan that now looking back maybe I should have given in and been induced, or I always ask myself this: maybe I could have been induced, and the doctors were just bored that night and they saw me maybe with an elevated baby HB and decided, hey surgeries are so much funner than a boring natural birth, plus I only have to be there for an hour. Who knows, but there is a need in me, I need to know, I have to know.
    I know all these women say but your baby is here and safe! and My reply on thank heavens! I know right! BUT take my sweet little angel out of the picture. She is here and she is safe and really I love her more than my own life, she is everything. and again this isn't about Gracie at all, this is me. Me and my body, that won't work like it should that is now left with a scar. a perminate reminder that my body failed me. Not that I failed, which is almost worse because try as I might a thousand times over, I could never give birth the way I wanted; natural. What saddens me most is that I really wanted to give birth, I never gave birth to Gracie, she was ripped away from me in the most unnatural and cruel way imaginable. I was laying flat on a table while I was sliced across the abdomen, I never got to see her first breath. She was all alone when she was ripped out of me and into this world. No one was there to hold her hand when she came to breathing. I wanted to run to her, to hold her hand, to be her mom, and I couldn't I was strapped down. She was crying and she needed me and I couldn't be there, I really wanted them to show me her. the first time I saw her was on a camera. But she is great now, and that really isn't an issue. My issue is my belly blues! I hate this. I got an IUD implant to make sure I don't get pregnant anytime soon. I have to deal with this issue before me and Mark decide that we even want another baby. Right now my babies are my life. Believe it or not things have gotten better, there were weeks there where I never looked in the mirror. And still when I get ready I have to force myself to look. Time will fade away my feelings, as will my scar. Right now I just love watching life through Gracie and Eldon's eyes, they are so innocent and I love them both with everything I have. Love my babies and my Hubby!

    Monday, August 15, 2011

    fffanxs mama!

    So Eldon is my little guy will not a lot to say. He knows words, but usually tries no point, or grunt... I think it is a little my fault, cause I don't talk a whole bunch when I am on my own but I am doing better, I have made flash cards, and I make Eldon use his words even though sometimes it's not what he wants to do, and really he is doing so much better. But usually he only uses phrases and sentences when I prompt him to. But today when I gave him some juice and tucked him into bed he said Fffanxs (thanks) mama, and uuvv you (love you)! Wow seriously made my day!!! He is growing way way way to fast and I ust want to keep him my baby. But talking is good for him, I noticed he knows so much more than I thought, I just needed to expect more! I love Eldon!

    Wednesday, August 10, 2011

    Gracie is 2 months old

    Wow this post has been a long time coming! I have been so busy with other things( keeping house clean, taking pictures, being a mom of 2, and a good wife) so I need to post this before She turns 3 months!

    Things Gracie can do:
    • She is starting to smile, It takes a little effort, but I bet by next month she will be just grinning away
    • she is very patient. Eldon is having a tough time adjusting to #2. He has started pulling on her and he does actually try to hit her every once in a while. Mostly though he just thinks it is funny to scream when she is sleeping... I however do not :)
    • She looks like he daddy! She has he daddy's beautiful eye! Yeah! Eldon got my hazel and Gracie has Mark's blues. They kinda look purple when you look really quick
    • She has the perfect pink lips.
    • She refuses a pacifier
    • She hates the bottle even more then a pacifier
    • She is a total Mommy's girl
    • her color is definitely purple
    • She loves to be awake at night (we are working on it)
    • She is still weighing in at a small 9+ pounds
    Enjoy some pictures