Sunday, June 19, 2011

I'm not lucky, and there are no such thing as coincidences

I am NOT Lucky!

Brought on by a really good lesson in church, I really started thinking. So many good things have happened lately that I have found myself saying, "wow I am so lucky that such-and-such happened" But after a lesson is Relief Society brought up the benefits of obedience, I realized that being "lucky" is not just being lucky, and that it is blessings.
I keep telling myself how lucky it was that Gracie was born healthy and safely and that I didn't have to be in the NICU, or worse. I feel guilty some days admitting that Heavenly Father "blessed" me with a healthy baby, because I know so many aren't. After our lesson today I don't feel that guilty any longer because I know that Heavenly Father blesses and tries us all in different ways. He know what someone can handle, and he knows how to stretch our limits. My father in heaven know me and he knows my strengths and weaknesses.

So NO I am not LUCKY!

I am SO BLESSED!
-Blessed to have the happiest little guy named Eldon who loves to play
-Blessed to be given a beautiful sweet little girl named Gracie
-Blessed to have a home to put both of them under at night
-Blessed to have a hard working husband who I love
-Blessed to know that if we ever are separated in this life, we will have eternity to spend together
-BLESSED

Also there are no such thing as coincidences...

You aren't thinking about someone by coincidence, and you don't just call them by coincidence when they are breaking out in tears. You don't get a visit from a friend when you feel lonely. You don't "by chance" come to an answer to your prayers.
This week, and really the past 3 weeks I have had many "coincidence" moments. A dinner brought to my home, a phone call from friend just checking how I am. Really small little things. nothing major, but the Lord has his hand in my life for sure.
THANK YOU!
To everyone who has thought of me and picked up the phone this week. You are answering prayers. Some days it gets a little crazy not having anyone to talk to but a 2 year old who only speaks of Buzz and woody, and cars, and penguins (peen jins as Eldon calls them) and a newborn who I am just getting use to. Just your phone calls have made my day.
Don't get me wrong I love being here with my babies, but I like having some "human interaction from the adult world" as I call it.

I am not Lucky and there are no such thing as coincidence: My new motto :)

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Scrubby Dub... Gracie's Chillin' in the tub: First "REAL" Bath

Gracie got her first bath this past Monday the 6th. She was so adorable. I had been giving her sponge baths, but she was in need of a good scrub down. She let out a little cry for the firsst 2 seconds, but once I started pouring water on her hair she got this little dazed look in her eyes and her mouth fell open. She loved gettting bathed so much, she didnt let out another peep.
Now she loves to just sit in the tub and have me pour water over her head. Gracie loves a clean head of hair I guess, plus with how much she has, everyone always touches it so it gets greasy pretty quickly.
Here are the pictures of her first bath in order. I made them smaller, but if you click on the picture it will switch to full screen.






Mark wanted to get in on the pictures

She is so tiny compared to my brush
 
 


Thursday, June 9, 2011

Gracie's birth Story- Part 2

Alright if you haven't read part one and want to go ahead ans scroll down, if not, here is more of our story...

So I am put in a wheel chair and these horrible socks are put on my feet, They are prison-orange with black grippers on the bottom ( don't know why this is important but I remember at the time I thought they were the ugliest things I had ever seen) The nurse said It was cold in the OR and that I would want them on. She was right... but I will get to that later. So we get to the OR and they direct Mark towards a bench and tell him to wait outside and they will call him in.... My initial reaction, I burst out with "NO, he is coming in" but what I really was meaning was, "If you want me to go in, he is coming in with me. It is both of us or none at all" I was so panicked at the time, I knew being separated from him would kill me. They have me jump up on this thin table and Mark stands in between my legs. They raise the table up and the anesthesiologist has me crouch over.
Everything is moving at hyper-speed... It is now when I realize how dire a situation we are in. They wouldn't be moving this quick if something weren't truly wrong.
Mark, tells me to focus on him as I feel the sting of the numbing medicine in my back ( the little numbing needle before they insert the "BIG ONE") Once the spinal is in, I am instantly laid down on the table, which is a good thing, because within seconds I cant feel my legs. The drape goes up at the same time and I feel pulling of some sort on my stomach.
Okay now I pride myself in knowing a whole lot about birth, I have watched many videos of sections, just to prepare myself if this situation ever were to arise. I know watching those videos, that things are happening alot faster to me than they ever did in the videos. Seriously less than one to two minutes since I got my spinal, and Mark tells me Gracie is out. ( two minutes that was way too quick... right, There must be a reason, something must be wrong. )
I was very internal at this point, wasn't talking or crying for that matter, but I see Mark looking over at the table where I assume Gracie is, but I can't see her, but shouldn't I hear her?! Why hadn't she cried. One minute ticks away at the clock, and still no crying. My midwife who stayed with me the entire time leans in and tells me there was meconium (poop) in her waters, and they are having to suction her before they stimulate her to breath, so she won't breath it in. That was the half of it. I find out later that Gracie is being worked on. They are heavily suctioning her nose and mouth as they perform CPR. At 1 minute her APGAR score is a 1 out of 10. If you know what that is, you know how BAD that is. The only thing she had was a slow decreasing pulse. Our little Gracie is a fighter though and at 2 minutes she decided she wanted to take her first breaths and she lets out this adorable lusty cry, along with more poop:) haha she was so stressed I guess that was her reaction to the situation. Her cry was just like Eldon's and I knew her at once. She was mine, and I was hers. They get her cleaned up and she poops again :) I think she was just teaching the doctors a lesson. The 4 doctors that were working on Gracie diminishes to just 2. Mark is taking pictures of her and showing me after he does because I still cant see her. After Everything is finally cleaned she is weighed in. Measuring only 5lbs 10 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. She is so teeny tiny. I was expecting a good 9 pounder since Eldon was 8-9 and I was past my due date. Mark brings Gracie over to me, and we meet for the first time. There is no denying she is the spitting image of her older brother. Long lashes, olive skin tone, and dark thick head of hair to prove it.
After about 20 minutes I am stitched up and headed to recovery. I get to hold Gracie for the first time as they wheel me down the hall. Gracie is smothered with tons of kisses. She is my little miracle, and my baby girl!
I get to breast feed her withing 40 minutes of her being born. i would have guessed it would have been difficult, but she was a pro. She latched on great and feed for the next 40 minutes! I really was nervous about being separated from her, but she never left my side. After and hour in recovery Gracie was having a bit of trouble breathing, her lungs were pitting, and it just means she was working harder to breath, as they prick her foot to test her sugars, they call down to NICU, once NICU gets there 5 minutes later, she no longer was having problems. My little girl is a fighter I tell you! She was fighting since we arrived that night. Her sugars were a 90!! awesome because the cut off is 40.
We head down to postpartum all together.  We were all 3 of us able to spend the next few hours together. they didn't take Gracie away at all. It was amazing!!!! I love my little girl so so so much. She is 2 weeks old today , and we cant imagine life without her.
Recovery has been tough, basically the hardest and most painful thing I have ever experienced. Not being able to move, and having a stinging gut punch every time I move to quickly, or try to sit up, or use my lower abs really has been hard to get use to. Still after 2 weeks its hard to sit up in bed. I have to have pillows propping me up in bed so when Gracie wakes up for a feeding, I am already halfway sitting up.
My incision is healing, but life is crazy now. Having 2 kids is a crazy world for me. I love My Eldon So very very much and now I love Gracie just the same. I love our little family, even though the experience is nothing like I had planned, I am glad Gracie is safe. Women always say it wont matter how you gave birth, just as long as the baby is safe, but I do have to admit I feel a bit robbed of the natural birth I wanted. I will get over it, but if we decide to have more kids, I really still do hope I can have my natural delivery.


P.S-  Just in case you wanted to know- this is what I found out after the fact about Gracie's delivery. Gracie came out grey and not breathing, mark said when they pulled her out she was "floppy" like lifeless. Makes me cry every time I image it, now I'm really glad he didnt record it. She was not breathing, and we came soo close to losing her. We really could have easily lost her, If we would have come to the hospital an hour later the doctor said " things could have been "different" is the term my doctors used. But really they meant I could of had to give birth to a stillborn. No one wanted to use that word, but every one kept saying things could of gone wrong, or been different. I guess I really dont even like to use that term, especially now that I know our sweet little Gracie. Also her cord was half the size it should have been, which accounts for her smaller size, and not really able to thrive in the womb. They said the placenta looked "weird" not bad in the sense it was old, just not right. Seriously though we were VERY lucky. And blessed. Baby girl Gracie is a sweet little spirit and her name is very fitting to the way she came into this word. She was given to use by nothing less than the grace of God.

Welcome
GRACIE ABIGAIL GEORGE
5lbs 10 oz
18  1/5 inches long
May 26th, 2011
@ 11:42pm







Money?

They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure would make things easier. Not alot of money, but SOME would be great.
I have had this internal ting, like an itch you can't reach, that has been bothering me for some time now. Right after Eldon was born I started staying home instead of working, because day care would be way too expensive, and not worth it. Makes sense. Now with 2 babies really staying at home makes the most sense, but I feel somewhat of guilt not being able to help out with our financial burdon, and a burdon it truely has been. Me and Mark had great savings up until our move to Georgia. With the move, losing our car and now having 2 car payments instead of one, and not having income for 3 weeks, It has really set us back. We have been staying ontop of bills, but looking ahead i see a time when the decision may come between groceries, or a bill, or tithing or a bill. I hate not being able to do anything about it. Some days I really feel useless, and now since having Gracie my emotional train is everywhere, and it is effecting me more everyday.
I even told Mark the other day that some days, and I'm not gunna lie, most days I would rather him stay home and me go to work. It would be so much easier. Being a momma to 2 babies is hard work! I don't know how women do it. Seriously it is the hardest job I have ever had. Averaging on 3-4 hours of sleep everynight definately doesnt help.
Sorry for the rant just needing to air out some emotions in a more productive way.
Here is to praying that all will work out.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Gracie's Birth Story Part 1

Wednesday May 18th Was my due date. Well Wednesday came and went and still no baby. I had done my research and was very animate on having as much of a natural birth as possible... so I did not set up and induction date until the last minute possible, and healthy for both me and baby. ( I was set to be induced on Tuesday, May 31st- 1 week and 5 days past my due date). Mom decided to be safe she was going to fly in that Thursday the 19th , and we both thought by her coming, it would allow me to relax a little more, and Gracie would decide to come.
That Friday the 20th came and  I had an early morning appointment with my midwives group to has an NST ( none stress test) and my regular 40 week apt. The NST was great, and Gracie was kicking up a storm, my Midwife was still on board with me letting myself go natural. but I still had to come back Tuesday if I hadn't gone into labor. Well as my luck would have it, Tuesday the 24th came and still no baby, I headed back for another NST and a followup appointment ( this was my 3rd NST by the way, I had another one the previous Tuesday) Gracie again was looking great, they even monitored contractions, which were about 5 minutes apart lasting 20 seconds, and not painful. She was kicking the monitors like crazy, and her HB was great! The midwife said my NST strip was perfect and it showed no signs of the placenta going bad. but again the NST only guarantees placenta for 3 days, so I had an appointment for Friday, and my induction date on Tuesday.
Thursday- still having poopy contractions ( by poopy, I mean after 3 day after having them 5 minutes apart, and still not any stronger, they just were making my back hurt) Me and mom decide to take Eldon to the QT to get a Slurpee. The QT is about a mile plus down the road, we head off but on our way home, we can see there is a storm rolling in. Right as we round the corner to get into our neighborhood it starts to pour down rain! Seriously it was crazy thick rain. less then a minute later it starts to thunder and lightning. The lightning felt like it was right on top of us. We get home and we were soaking wet. I showered and got dressed and ready to head out. Mom had paid for me to get a "labor inducing" massage. I head off round 7pm. It was an interesting massage half of it was great, but the other half hurt! she used trigger points and acupressure, so it wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped. But during the massage I tried to get my mind in the right place. I thought about Gracie alot. I thought about my birth plan, and about how I wanted to bring he into the world safe, and as natural as possible. Then I started to have this gut wrenching "bad " feeling. Who knows what it was, I can't even tell you what I was worried about, but I was worried. My hands were shaking, and I figured I was thinking about Gracie when I started having these thoughts, so they must have something to do with her. The entire ride home I spent poking my belly. I felt Gracie move, but she wasn't kicking back like she normally did.
I got home in a funky mood. I told Mark I was gunna lay on my left side and try and feel her.  I did again feel her. I remember what the OB said.. .10 kicks in an hour i believe. I was able to count that many in 30 minutes. So that was good right?? Why didnt I feel good, why did I still have a bad feeling. 10 kicks in 30 minutes is great right. I talked with Mark and he again reassured me it was probably nothing. I waited about 30 minutes, then I snuck into my room and called the after hours number for my OB and asked to have the on call midwife call me back. I felt really dumb calling when I didnt even know what was wrong.
The midwife called me back and I gave her all the info, she said everything seemed fine, but if I was worried I could always come in and be monitored. I said yes, not even thinking. Then I went in the next room and told mom and Mark I just wanted to head in to the hospital to check on things. Mark most likely thought... great it's gunna be a late night, but he was great and supportive of my crazy "feelings" and he took me to the hospital anyways.
We get to the hospital, and Mark goes to grab the bags out of the car. I told him not to grab anything. After all it was most likely just a crazy feeling and we were just going to be in and out anyways... right? so why does my "bad feeling" keep getting worse. We go though the registration, and head to triage. I am hooked up to the monitors, and right off the bat, Gracie's Heartbeat is, fr lack of a better word, CRAP. Her HB is 162-165 and just not moving. After a contraction I notice a drop in her HB not bad, but not great. The nurses tell me the midwife reviewed the strip, and say I am staying and being admitted, and I was going to have this baby tonight. The nurse comes in to give me my IV, I am asking her what is going to happen. I see my natural plan going out the door! She says they will start my IV then the midwife will come in and decide on Pitocin or an artificial rupture of my waters. All of a sudden 5 or so people rush into the room, My midwife being one of them. She informs me that I am going to have my baby right now and it has to be by C-section. Her HB is dropping horribly! I glance over to the strip, and it shows a deceleration in her HB. It had dropped to practically nothing.
My immediate reaction is "no". I actually said it to. I thought she was joking, she had to be joking. She explains why a section is necessary and it is for my baby girl. I understand, and the tears that are coming down my face let up. I didn't even know they had started. I send mark out to the car to at least grab a camera.
Madness in the room explodes, everyone asking questions, someone sticking me with an IV, the anaesthesiologist introduces himself, the OBGYN comes in and introduces herself, more questions. The tears come back, I'm not breathing, not breathing. I am really having my first panic attack. The midwife is holding my had. I decide I have to tune everyone out or I'm not going to make it through this. being cut open on a table, and awake for the whole thing. what if I feel it, what if the baby isn't okay. why did I wait so long to come to the hospital. Too many questions are running through me. Mark is back and getting dressed in scrubs. I ask to go to the restroom. I'm finally alone. I think I said a prayer, but I was too rattle to remember if I said anything beyond "please..." In my mind I just kept repeating please, please, please... Maybe It was please let everything be okay, but all I was able to muster was please...please.... PLEASE!

I will finish the rest later, I want to be detailed, but this is getting too, long and it is getting too late, and I still have laundry... so until then...

....to be continued in part 2....