Gracie's Birth Story Part 1

Wednesday May 18th Was my due date. Well Wednesday came and went and still no baby. I had done my research and was very animate on having as much of a natural birth as possible... so I did not set up and induction date until the last minute possible, and healthy for both me and baby. ( I was set to be induced on Tuesday, May 31st- 1 week and 5 days past my due date). Mom decided to be safe she was going to fly in that Thursday the 19th , and we both thought by her coming, it would allow me to relax a little more, and Gracie would decide to come.
That Friday the 20th came and  I had an early morning appointment with my midwives group to has an NST ( none stress test) and my regular 40 week apt. The NST was great, and Gracie was kicking up a storm, my Midwife was still on board with me letting myself go natural. but I still had to come back Tuesday if I hadn't gone into labor. Well as my luck would have it, Tuesday the 24th came and still no baby, I headed back for another NST and a followup appointment ( this was my 3rd NST by the way, I had another one the previous Tuesday) Gracie again was looking great, they even monitored contractions, which were about 5 minutes apart lasting 20 seconds, and not painful. She was kicking the monitors like crazy, and her HB was great! The midwife said my NST strip was perfect and it showed no signs of the placenta going bad. but again the NST only guarantees placenta for 3 days, so I had an appointment for Friday, and my induction date on Tuesday.
Thursday- still having poopy contractions ( by poopy, I mean after 3 day after having them 5 minutes apart, and still not any stronger, they just were making my back hurt) Me and mom decide to take Eldon to the QT to get a Slurpee. The QT is about a mile plus down the road, we head off but on our way home, we can see there is a storm rolling in. Right as we round the corner to get into our neighborhood it starts to pour down rain! Seriously it was crazy thick rain. less then a minute later it starts to thunder and lightning. The lightning felt like it was right on top of us. We get home and we were soaking wet. I showered and got dressed and ready to head out. Mom had paid for me to get a "labor inducing" massage. I head off round 7pm. It was an interesting massage half of it was great, but the other half hurt! she used trigger points and acupressure, so it wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped. But during the massage I tried to get my mind in the right place. I thought about Gracie alot. I thought about my birth plan, and about how I wanted to bring he into the world safe, and as natural as possible. Then I started to have this gut wrenching "bad " feeling. Who knows what it was, I can't even tell you what I was worried about, but I was worried. My hands were shaking, and I figured I was thinking about Gracie when I started having these thoughts, so they must have something to do with her. The entire ride home I spent poking my belly. I felt Gracie move, but she wasn't kicking back like she normally did.
I got home in a funky mood. I told Mark I was gunna lay on my left side and try and feel her.  I did again feel her. I remember what the OB said.. .10 kicks in an hour i believe. I was able to count that many in 30 minutes. So that was good right?? Why didnt I feel good, why did I still have a bad feeling. 10 kicks in 30 minutes is great right. I talked with Mark and he again reassured me it was probably nothing. I waited about 30 minutes, then I snuck into my room and called the after hours number for my OB and asked to have the on call midwife call me back. I felt really dumb calling when I didnt even know what was wrong.
The midwife called me back and I gave her all the info, she said everything seemed fine, but if I was worried I could always come in and be monitored. I said yes, not even thinking. Then I went in the next room and told mom and Mark I just wanted to head in to the hospital to check on things. Mark most likely thought... great it's gunna be a late night, but he was great and supportive of my crazy "feelings" and he took me to the hospital anyways.
We get to the hospital, and Mark goes to grab the bags out of the car. I told him not to grab anything. After all it was most likely just a crazy feeling and we were just going to be in and out anyways... right? so why does my "bad feeling" keep getting worse. We go though the registration, and head to triage. I am hooked up to the monitors, and right off the bat, Gracie's Heartbeat is, fr lack of a better word, CRAP. Her HB is 162-165 and just not moving. After a contraction I notice a drop in her HB not bad, but not great. The nurses tell me the midwife reviewed the strip, and say I am staying and being admitted, and I was going to have this baby tonight. The nurse comes in to give me my IV, I am asking her what is going to happen. I see my natural plan going out the door! She says they will start my IV then the midwife will come in and decide on Pitocin or an artificial rupture of my waters. All of a sudden 5 or so people rush into the room, My midwife being one of them. She informs me that I am going to have my baby right now and it has to be by C-section. Her HB is dropping horribly! I glance over to the strip, and it shows a deceleration in her HB. It had dropped to practically nothing.
My immediate reaction is "no". I actually said it to. I thought she was joking, she had to be joking. She explains why a section is necessary and it is for my baby girl. I understand, and the tears that are coming down my face let up. I didn't even know they had started. I send mark out to the car to at least grab a camera.
Madness in the room explodes, everyone asking questions, someone sticking me with an IV, the anaesthesiologist introduces himself, the OBGYN comes in and introduces herself, more questions. The tears come back, I'm not breathing, not breathing. I am really having my first panic attack. The midwife is holding my had. I decide I have to tune everyone out or I'm not going to make it through this. being cut open on a table, and awake for the whole thing. what if I feel it, what if the baby isn't okay. why did I wait so long to come to the hospital. Too many questions are running through me. Mark is back and getting dressed in scrubs. I ask to go to the restroom. I'm finally alone. I think I said a prayer, but I was too rattle to remember if I said anything beyond "please..." In my mind I just kept repeating please, please, please... Maybe It was please let everything be okay, but all I was able to muster was please...please.... PLEASE!

I will finish the rest later, I want to be detailed, but this is getting too, long and it is getting too late, and I still have laundry... so until then...

....to be continued in part 2....